Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Too much of a good thing is a bad thing: too much sex and rotting of 2nd chakra

Interesting! This is certainly necessary in promiscuous America...

I can see auras and once I was watching the 2nd chakra of someone who sleeps around a lot, for many years, with all kinds of nasty peeps. The chakra of this person looked like it was ... some dead wood, like many moldy, whitish "tentacles" all tangled up, in very ugly sickening looking dull shade of white-gray. Having any physical or emotional contact with this person automatically makes you INFECTED with that energy of DECAY.

As I was watching, I was wondering HOW will the person cleanse themselves from that? and how will they get healthy again...? It seemed pretty hopeless? but God must surely provide a way, although sometimes, some things are irreversible. e.g. if you break a bone, if you lose a tooth - that's it. So a person with this kind of decay might have lost something they won't be able to recoup.

Parents can help or not...

My own father is deaf so he suffers from anger that deaf peeps are prone to, and so every argument with him ended with - "you don't know anything and you will FAIL always and then you will see I was right." It really was like a CURSE....

My mother also finished practically every conversation with "nobody loves you EXCEPT your mother. Men are there to exploit you and everyone else just wants something from you."
She proved herself wrong (for millionth time) just several days ago when she told me not to come to visit them now....

And my evil grandmother: "you are nobody and nothing, just like your mother"
and my evil aunt, who treated me as if I was a servant girl... she never gave me anything new, only her old clothes.. and she was advertising herself as generous... It was FUN for her to act smug as a diva and to have me kiss her ass, just bc she was a little kind and gave me scraps and I was happy.... ..bc nobody else was even kind... e.g. she would go on vacation abroad and bring me one little chocolate or a bag of candies... and I felt really grateful and showed my gratitude.

These are all victims of wars... and are really really damaged. Regardless -

So here are all these morons, really, trying to drag you down TO LIFT THEMSELVES UP, TRYING TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL GOOD.

Immature adults are really really harmful to the children.

I remember watching my little neighbor trying to catch attention of his father and father physically moving himself so that he didn't have to deal with the kid... The boy later became a junkie.

Monday, June 29, 2009

seeign clearly

My current topic for thinking is what I was told to take care of about 5 years ago, but I didn't listen :) I need to get married. So, where do we find that guy who is my husband? So as I am analyzing the mistakes I have made in the past, a lot of things are clearer. Here are some offshoot gems of that.

I was thinking about my conversation with the Born Again Ignorant practitioner from my dance class. I actually went on a date with another Born Ignorant, so I am very familiar what that brand of religious dogma. He was claiming he was in love with me and would give "anything he owns just to have me", he hang around for 2 years and wanted to marry me and move to Hawaii, but as soon as we touched into his religion (which is a huge issue because he TALKS about everything oh so high but never DOES it nor feel it) - well, as soon we questioned that wanna-be christianity, he left in a jiffy, and claimed he totally forgot me in TWO DAYS. That's a big switch, isn't it? Plus, he was completely high because he acted like a "good christian" and he strutted around proudly telling people that "he is a christian."

If your religion can make you forget someone over a weekend because you have to stay a good "christian", then what kind of "religion" is it? I say it is the worst case of dogma and brainwashing and it forbids you to feel and to be honest with yourself. It is amazing that an adult human being would fall for that kind of brainwashing. They are completely addicted. Also, what kind of "human being" can believe in something like that? Only someone very very low on the evolution level.

Finally those dots got connected in my head and the whole case is clear. If this person can finally see what his "religion" is doing to him, perhaps there is some hope for his salvation.

As I was driving to Honolulu on a beautiful Saturday morning, I was noticing car "logos". Am not sure how it is called in English :) You know, the little "badge" that shows car manufacturer. Honda's logo looks like H, Ford says "Ford", BMW has a circle with black and blue squares, Mercedes has a tri-fork in a circle, Toyota has a symbol, Lexus looks like Nike-like shaped "L" in a circle, etc.

And so: all those brand names are prominently displayed on the back of the car. Interesting. People like branding. Furthermore, humans like brand prominently displayed - so everyone can see you are wearing LaCosta or Ralf Lauren or whatever the brands are these days.

Keeping up with the Joneses and strutting your brand around is a part of owning the car, for majority of the people, otherwise those little logos won't be so prettily displayed.

Just like people put tatoos on top of their butt. I was thinking how car manufacturers and tatoos are related :) Humans got to like that kind of display. It is interesting what corporate advertising can get people used to.

Then, as I was driving and looking around and noticing some houses I have never seen before although I have driven that road for years, I realized a big thing:

my mind was just resting on various "objects" and *** I NEVER REALLY SAW THEM ***. The only thing that happened as my eyes rested on an object was my reaction: I LIKE IT or I DO NOT LIKE IT. I never really saw the thing I was looking at!!!

So, looking without any preferences, I was actually able to SEE houses, gardens, details that I have never noticed before.


That way of thinking was very fruitful because I started looking like that into internal things in my life, and was able to let go of an old enemy. Being of competitive nature, I love to "get even" and I can be very revengeful even after a long time, however it costs me too much to carry that around. Also, I already "won". I got what I wanted way back then anyways, I have proven a long time ago that my case was legit. (The person was making fun of me and bullying me. I woved that I was going to make them eat it. They did - not because I did anything to them, but because I became "popular" so their opinion that I was lame was just publicly refuted.) I just let it go. It is actually very simple to let things go.

From my personal experience, it seems to be easy to let things go when we are sure in ourselves, that our case is "legit." Then we don't depend on any opinions or approval of others.


Now I need to work on letting go of this Born Impotent ex-date. A part of me loves to snivel about how terrible experience that was. Sure it was. That was one of the worst dates I ever had, because there was some good parts about it and then there was the totally evil presence of that religious brain sucker. I was dating an addict. Another part of me is completely happy he is gone, understands his complete spiritual and life impotence due to this addiction of his, and feels forgiving and compassionate and wishes him well. If this experience doesn't help him see it, nothing will. He "loved" someone so much and forgot them in 2 days because his religion mandated so. Wow.
For me, the lesson is to trust myself more. I kinda knew this, I felt it, and I should have not interacted with him. Interacting with shit only can make you dirty and smelly and feeling like throwing up. Thus: avoid shit. As simple as that. As soon as it smells, run.

We learn as we go. I am very good with following the rule above with things I am familiar with, for example I won't go out with a womanizer or someone with chemical addictions, because I KNOW for sure how detrimental they are. I just flirted briefly with a womanizer once and then he did his number with someone else and even that little was a very nausiating scary experience, a clear violation of any human dignity. Plus, he must be an STD case. Another guy who smokes pot and gets drunk (yet has a job and a functional life) was after me, and he is nice but no thanks! Two times as I even briefly thought about "hm, is he it???" I had nightmares about drugs, which I never do, and it is clear that any closer dealing with him would be extremely dangerous. He would make anyone feel very trashy. When drugs take over, he is gone, and in a very bad way. He would always make any woman feel like a very unimportant second thing in his life.


So, that's all very interesting stuff, being able to SEE CLEARLY, without any "I LIKE THIS" or "I DISLIKE THIS."

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

For my other born ignorant friend

Here is an intriguing book: "I slept with a born again "christian" " and then in small letters in the subtitle: "unmarried." How's that for a catchy title?

For me, contact with an organized religion was a terrible experience, I felt very violated. It felt like very close contact with something monstrous. Indeed, the religious specimen that was my boyfriend is a creep. What he believes in is monstrous and very detrimental to anything that comes in contact with it. It is like coming in contact with a breath of death, something that just kills anything live on contact.

Rigid and judgemental belief systems of organized religion are behind a lot of destruction, wars, strife, exploitation of people and Nature. Every organized religion is guilty of this; relying on immaturity of people to keep them stuck in fear and thus under control.

The path to God is something else. It requires independence, true cooperation based on education and compassion, and thus it is based on a lot of Inner Work. Who teaches that? Only metaphysical and mystical schools and saints and smaller less known branches of organized religion, like Tibetan Buddhism or sufism. Perhaps some practitioners of large organized religion get there, like Theresa of Avilla, but it is in spite of what they are taught, seems like.

I was lucky never to have met a religios dogma first hand before. Before I knew what this creep stood for, I knew that there was something wrong about him because he was not genuine and natural and at ease, there was no warmth and friendliness around him, he couldn't show love and receive and give it. He couldn't relate on a deep level, he was always talking how much he loved me but in reality he couldn't even give me 5 minutes of true attention or kindness, and any forgiveness was way beyond him even for simple stuff. It was always all about him. He was a profound coward and a weakling, and he covered it up by faking a good person and talking very high about himself. Yet I was even considering marrying the guy. Such is the power of sex. It blinds us to so many things.

Someone like that cannot give any attention to anything else but himself because he is too busy being afraid for his own ass. Is he in good standing with god or not? that's the only thing that matters. You, me, Nature, children, cats, NOTHING matters. The only thing that matters is his ass.

We all have our own ways to hide behind something that makes our ass special. For some people, it is drugs, or working too much, or sleeping around, or being a martyr suffering, or overeating, drinking, or acting the life of the party, or being really prim and proper, or whatever. We all have our own ways of avoiding ourselves, others, and God. Avoiding being in the NOW and trying to hide behind something external that makes us look special to others.

This particular brand of people called "christians" uses very specific excuses such as bible, jesus and god. I write it all in small letters because their bible, jesus and god are all fake, plastic things, drug for the masses. They are such cheap imitations of the real thing that we cannot even compare them to the real thing. There is absolutely nothing in common. These plastic idols are actually completely mad made based on ego, and thus completely opposite than what God really is. They are drugs to feed the ego.

For any real deep relationship, spiritual practice is a must and Inner Work is required. Someone who is on drugs and into ego is not into Inner Work at all. So, it's either drugs or relationship.

So, I said that he was either quitting this religious dogma which makes him just fake being good and actually continue being a moron, or I refuse to have anything to do with him. He "choose Jesus Christ" without even blinking, in one millisecond, the same guy that was singing to me how "he would give his life and anything he owns just to have me." SOOOO much for that. Well, that was on Friday. Next week, he told me that "he was kinda low during the weekend, but then started doing charitable events and helped so many people and then his life took off into an exciting direction and he was happy ever after and proudly telling everyone he is a christian. Then next week he saw nude Jennifer Aniston on yahoo web page, so he thought about how she dared to be so free and then where in his life he wasn't free, and then somehow he remembered me for about 2 minutes but then he was in his work vehicle and they came to the office, he got out of the car and then forgot about it, and hasn't thought about me or what happened ever since."
THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE TO BE A PRACTICING BORN IGNORANT. Yeah. I was speechless listening to this. Can you believe that an adult is this immature, and even so stupid to say it straight into my face, and even believes in how grand and good he is and how much he is following god .... This "christian" is a selfish rude creep.

After the whole experience first-hand learning about this particular brand of insanity called "christianity" there are many comments I can make.

First, as my muslim friend said, the very word "born again" implies that there was something wrong with them, and somehow the church fixed them. Indeed, the whole religion is based on the premise that something is wrong with you. Then you feel GUILT and thus let any old idiot tell you exactly what to do, and you read some moldy old book called Bible, written by who knows whom and when, and you read it LITERALLY and take it literally as THE truth. Complete brainwashing.

It would not be possible unless the person felt that there was something wrong with them and somehow this church thing made them special and worthy. So this "christianity" is made for people with very low self esteem and a lot of guilt.

Second, I would rename this religion as "born ignorant" or "born impotent". Because it is, both.

Ignorant because they don't think for themselves. They just hide behind some club that promises eternal glory and salvation from hell - both things that are completely and absolutely unverifiable. It is really like the boogey man that scares little children - it appears real and you cannot sleep because of it, you are terrified, but you can never prove anything. The whole "christianity" is based on the notion of boogeyman coming to get you and church saving your unworthy weak little ass.

Ignorant also because the whole thing is based on being condescending - I am in the club, you are not, ha ha ha!!! tut tut tut!!! I am better than you!!! and the Bible said so!!!

If someone can say that Dalai Lama is going to hell because he didn't accept Jesus Christ, that all Buddhist and all other religions practitioners and even their saints are all going to hell - AND THE BIBLE SAID SO!!! SO IT IS DEFINITELY TRUE!!! - well - what is the IQ of such a person? Below being called a moron. They haven't thought for themselves even one single thought. Someone gave them thoughts to think and they are dutifully parroting them.

This creep even tried to convert me, he kept on working secretly on it and told me that he kept on praying for it and imagining me with my hand on the bible. This ass kisser never even mentioned he was practicing his devil god worshiping. He kept it secret because he KNEW that there is something wrong with it and I won't like it. Any time we have that feeling of shame, it is for a good reason!

"christians" are impotent because they rely on Jesus having done the work for them so they are saved! job done! now we can relax, say a few prayers and scoot comfortably. If they do any harm, they say a prayer and they are done. Very easy god to believe in! There is no remorse, no Inner Work, no contemplation, no effort, nothing. Just TALK GOOD and you are gonna be fine!

They just talk talk talk. They never think, feel, or do. They just talk. They talk about something called "Jesus Christ", they talk about "love", they talk about "kindness and forgiveness and compassion". But they never ever feel anything, or do anything along those lines. Actually, they are just the opposite, there is no real love or compassion or real Jesus in there at all. They just take take take and plow over anything. It takes so much effort to be able to be truly kind and compassionate, it requires dealing with all the internal muck inside a person. That is a lot of WORK! Which a "christian" is completely incapable of doing. The entire teaching is totally against any inner contemplation and observation and Work. They are trained to talk high and to pretend that they are good. The reality of life shows that they cannot do any of it. It is all in their heads as fantasy.

because, the whole "christian" thing is based on I MY MINE. I want my ass saved, and I don't care at what cost. I will despise you, I will kill you, I won't respect you, I will do whatever I want FOR ME. I am special, I am in the club, and I am going to make sure I get my share. I am a child of god and I am going to heaven. Because I say that I belong to the club, I automatically get all those privileges.

The whole thing is a super exercise in sheer selfishness and self conceit and complete and utter fakiness.

This "christian" lives in utmost fear, waiting for some god to spank him if he is bad and to reward him if he is good. But he can cheat behind god's back and if the god doesn't really see it and if he keeps on TALKING about how devoted he is, then everything is ok!

THIS IS LIKE BEING A KID WITH A VERY NASTY TEACHER. As long as you keep you beebee gun and the sling under your desk and as long as the teacher doesn't catch you using them - use them secretly in class, during recess, after school when nobody is watching - and as long as you pretend to look attentive and listening in class - everything is ok and you get an A and a "good boy" badge to take home and parade in front of your parents and neighbors.

And you know what is amazing? That there are adults walking around thinking and believing this. Unbelievable!!! What is the maturity level of such person? low....

And how about:

The notions of world brotherhood, of all people being intrinsically same, of all true teachings being intrinsically the same, of the need for thinking for oneself and testing everything for oneself, of the need to really Experience and Live and Open.
The idea of GOD AS ONE,

Finer and deeper pondering, finer understanding, comprehension of the Higher meanings in everything. For example, Christ is a certain **energy** of kindness and compassion that all true spiritual teachings connect to. In that sense, yes, you cannot get to God unless you accept Christ. But you can accept this unconditional love and kindness if you are Buddhist, Hindu, etc. They just don't call it "Christ." They call it "loving kindness and compassion." It is the same thing.

It is time the humanity starts thinking more along those lines. Because, they are true. How do I know? People who are true saints said so. Also, I don't know how, but somehow I Remember. It is all very fresh in my mind. I suppose that's why people say I "came wired as a healer" and am "different". Consequently, hanging around asleep humans can feel like being around trampling mad elephants. How come they all forgot??? They didn't forget. They must remember something. They just need a reminder. We all need reminders. I need reminders, you need reminders. That's what true spiritual teaching is for - to keep on reminding us to Remember.

I talked with a nun of Self Realization Fellowship, which is Paramahansa Yogananda's organization, about this. She said: just avoid any "born agains", that stuff is too ingrained in him and he is hopeless. ANY CONTACT WITH SUCH PERSON JUST INCREASES HURT FEELINGS. Just tell him that you will pray for him and that you both go separate ways.

I thought about this. This born again ignorant really believed he was in close contact with god. Although he was walking around doing really stupid things, like going to Hooters and a lot worse stuff, he still believed he was tight with god and prayed daily.

I thought about it like God would. God probably takes all this as the best this person has to offer. The person is like a kid - his understanding and abilities are very limited, his maturity is low, his experience is nonexistant. because he is just 2 years old and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Only time will make him grow.

So God must accept anything from this person graciously, like we would accept a hand-made scribbled watercolor and hang it on our fridge as the greatest artwork ever. Indeed, it is - for this kid, that is their best right now. They proudly present it to us and expect us to praise it endlessly and tell them how great they are and how much we love them.

So God must appreciate at least some of the antics of this born ignorant.

However, as my mother said, what this man practices and believes must make the real Jesus weep, for it is very detrimental to Life. This man keeps on bean counting and dividing Life and killing it. He has no true Respect for ALL OF GOD's CREATION.

Something very funny happened, I actually forgave him all this. I suppose finally I understood that I was dealing with a kid and it made it into something light and forgivable. It is actually extremely funny and comical that a hot lively thing like me ended up with a born impotent red neck. It is like trying to get two arch-enemies together. His whole life is based on lies and ego, and my whole life is based on following something esoteric and mystical permeated with light. Our Native teachers paired us up, two people looking for God in their own ways, two very horny long-time single hermits, and it is very very very comical and diabolically designed, and it worked!!! actually it worked. I thank everyone for playing such a beautiful part in this romantic black comedy.

And, if you have any aspirations of having a true and deep relationship, stay away from "christians". Stay away from anyone who is committed to any kinds of drugs and escaping the NOW. The person has to be able to be in the NOW because that is the only place where two people can meet.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

How to find a mate

How to find a mate? Very simply - just meditate on it.
I actually did what Dr. Todd said to me, a long time ago, and twice.
The first time I was just freshly divorced, and I went to Xmass party at work and saw my coleague with his beautiful wife and two beautiful children. I went home and cried on my bed: how come I cannot have that? So I said what kind of guy I wanted. And the image popped into my head of a man similar to what I asked for. It was a very very vivid image. It wasn't exactly what I asked for, but similar, and I said to God in surprise: ok, if that's what it is, I accept it.

Several months later, I went to my Native American classes, and across the entire gym, a man looked at me and came over to shake my hand. He looked *** exactly *** like the image I saw. He even wore the same clothes. He said: "I dont' think I know you, but you look familiar." I said: "well, don't take me wrong, but I was meditating on a mate for me and someone who looks like you showed up." I looked at him more carefully and said: "But it was not you. He had different eyes and smile." He said: "what a strange way to look for a boyfriend!" And I thought to myself, very smitten and surprised: "what other way there is???" I am a little different :) Obviously :)
ANyways, this man pondered for a few seconds, and then he said: "Well, it is not me, I am married. But I feel there is someone for you." So we said good bye and never talked again. I watched him from aside and it was very reassuring - he was a sociable introvert like me and it was so good to know there were men of my kind. My old husband was so not for me, he was such an extrovert and a noisy boisterous cocky person trying to impress and outdo everyone important, we drove each other bananas with our differences. This man was quiet. He socialized in a deep way with everyone equally. I liked how he carried himself.

My next boyfriend did look like the man from the meditation. He was a very old friend that I met sometimes in classes. I saw him few months after the meditation and I remember looking at him from across the room in pain, thinking that he looks like it but is too cold to be it. Several months later, we met through several classes and he was a little thawed :) and we did date for a while. It was very beautiful and the first time ever I was truly in love, unconditionally and deeply, on all level. We jibed on so many levels and it was so nice to talk and to hang out together. I remember standing next to him at the airport and feeling the little current going through my entire body. It didn't work out. He didn't have a job and wanted to just live with me. That is not a man, but a parasite.

Then I went to Emanuel workshop, about 2002 again, just before taking that epic journey to Hawaii. One lady asked how to get herself a mate, and Emanuel told her to go home and write out everything she wanted. Well, I went home and *I wrote out what *I wanted :) It was a long and very nice list, I still have it in my journal scrapbook. I could feel this man literally materialize next to me, he was rather surprised to find himself there. Seems like my request kinda summoned him like Dorothy was taken by a tornado and plopped in a foreign land. He knew everything I wrote asking about him. There was some things he didn't like that I asked, and he protested and I crossed it out, he was actually right. I read the list aloud the next day in class, and everyone applauded and laughed with enthusiasm and said they wanted a guy exactly like that! It was hilarious. My guy was very popular :)
Pat who channels Emanuel was amused too, and said that they all needed to be invited to the wedding. I said sure. Then she paused and asked Emanuel when will this guy show up in person. Emanuel said: when Milica loves herself.

Apparently I still don't love myself, because nobody showed up. A Born Ignorant "christian" showed up but that is sooooooooooooo off anything real, it doesn't even count. I have no clue who my guy is. Sometimes I wonder if this guy actually looks like the man from the meditation, or I already met the messenger who looks like the man from mediation. I have no clue what this guy looks like. I know what he feels like and I guess will have to recognize him when he shows up. He will recognize me too. He will remember plopping next to me and the conversation we had. I have no clue how this will happen, but I am sure it will happen, because that is the Will of God. I am supposed to be married and live happily ever after.

My mother knows me well and she says that this man must be a very good man and a very strong man. Because I am rowdy and domineering and it is hard to keep me under control. I will respect only a man of integrity and good character. And only if I truly respect him, as equal, I will honor him and work with him no matter what. That's a tall order, isn't it. But one man, somewhere out there, wants this kind of energy and perpetual Inner Work for his partner.

Advice from "Dr. Todd"

A while ago, in about 2002? - a little before I took the epic trip cross country into unknown and eventually wondered to Hawaii, when I was sniveling to my Native American tribe, my dear friend Todd, who had the pleasure of driving with me and our teammates squished in the back of the truck to all the bumpy far New Jersey Pine locations while I was munching on garlic, well, my dear friend Todd said something very profound. He said something along these lines: "hey Milica, grab a guy (or two), have a drink, and call us in the morning." That was such a profound and shattering advice that totally stopped me in my tracks and made me ponder. I couldn't just say that I don't drink and that there is no guy around. I just had to sell my house, pack my stuff and drive off towards West, hoping to fulfill this assignment.

Several years later, I am still kinda failing the assignment. I did grab a guy, but a Born Ignorant "christian" so there was no need to get drunk, he was enough to make me vomit.

So this is the rest of the discussion between me and Dr. Todd, dated about June 2, 2009:


Milica: Todd, I am at the end of the rope. I am going to be 100 years old soon and am not even dating anyone. I feel someone assigned to me and I can even hold a spiritual conversation with the guy, but he hasn't shown up in person. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel???


Todd: Greetings Milica,

End of your rope?

I have given this a good long think about your request for help.

And so here goes.

What in you must die or be let go of, to make it to the light at the end of the tunnel?

From my experience it is to know this that is key. For we are all the common denominator

in our lives. To know the darkness that still is empowered in our choices, actions, thoughts,

and being. What is left of this life that will be the old life once in the light and out of the tunnel?

What belief/s are the baggage of the past that can not be carried to the other shore?

Sometimes we must die the little death to live anew.

The answer is, You have your answer, it is how you know to ask the Question.

Focus on the light and let all else be stripped away.

Now here are some things I did to clarify myself for this journey and to give me the strength.

to go through this kind of rebirth. Everything that is in ones past, I mean everything will need

to be released into the care of The Creator and Earth Mother.... The good, the bad, the ugly,

and the beautiful.

Get REALY CLEAR on what you want in a mate. Write it down, draw a picture of this person

and let the picture and list unfold this person to you. use as many types of mediums for this

that you can to truly become clear about this. This is key!!! Use the pain and passion you feel,

to move you to the calling of the light as your guide

This prep. work is a key piece.

Once you have this clarity stay focused on it and call it out loud, you have to say it out loud!!!

Now you need to speak this clarity VERY clearly..... It needs to flow with all this truth that is.

Like a song until it can be spoken with the sounds of ringing true to your heart....

You will know it when it does sound true.

Now comes the hard part.

Faith and time.

It may take some time of holding on to this clarity, not the details!!!, to

give Creation a chance to manifest. For me it was about 1 year.

Looking back the year was time i needed to clear up things to be ready.

To let the transformation take affect. And this was after years of wanting to get

there. Though until I made this commitment to myself fully did it come to be.

You will need to hold this clarity for what ever the time, that is needed.........

If you are there, at the end of your rope, end you are ready for the little death,

all can change.

I wish you all the best and would wish these next step on no one.

You will die to live.

This is about commitment beyond any thing we know or believe it to be, to the Creator.

All the Best,


Milica: completely frozen - the effects of his words were like a stop exercise - just made me completely sloooow down and STOP. Everything became still and very very clear. Suddenly, I was Present.

Yes, it is about living in accordance with Creator.
I am not there yet although I have all the tools, training, and support to be there. It has consequences to my whole life - jobs, mate, etc.

Thank you for your thoughtful feedback.


You are welcome.

I put as much into those words as i can.

Not from what someone would say, rather from life lived.

Sometimes all the tools, training, and support we have must be surrendered

for the path of our own hearts journey.

I truly feel it is a great thing when a person gets to this place,

beyond all external and internal authority.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Africans are not monogamous

An African is hitting on me, but subtly, too subtly. Like teenagers hit on each other: physically being close and never initiating any contact. This is someone in his 40s that hangs out with people under 25 and lives and behaves like he is 25.

You are immature and thus rather dangerous, plus you live on a different planet where other 20yr olds live of night clubs, parties, showing off, etc. I asked you if you were hitting on me, because it seemed so, you never replied. To me, no reply means that you just were hoping to snatch a little if it falls in your lap, maybe sleep with me if I push for it, etc. There is nothing serious there, otherwise you'd own it and act on it.

That's how it is understood on the planet I live on. On my planet, people meditate and pray regularly, and Inner Work and Clarity are the most important things, and effort in that direction is expected as much as we are capable of.

I am not interested in flirting and sleeping. I am only human so if I am single and flirt here and there, that's understandable. I just won't act on it. I intend to find Mr. Right and live happily ever after.


An African hit on me. Everyone saw it. Then he went away and the next day ignored me and hit on someone else. That someone else was extatic and made sure I knew it. I was just thinking OH GOD GET ME OUT OF HERE THIS IS COMPLETELY FOREIGN TO ME.

First, now I am positive that you were hitting on me. Others told me. I ignored it because a teenager having a crush and looking at me is just a nuisance. 20 yr olds under the spell of hormones do that. I am a 45 yr old woman with wrinkles and wanting to be married to a Real and good *man*. Your hitting style is not even flattering to me, it is just a nuisance, you have no maturity to even be a gentleman, you are incapable of treating me or anyone else properly. Also, where is your live-in girlfriend, you have no respect for her whatsoever. Do you just flirt with anyone as soon as your partner is out of sight? And not even that. You were flirting with me when you had her at home. That is terrifying to me. You are a crook.

What you do is plain awful and makes me avoid you as much as I possibly can.

You always seem to try to flirt with the highest bidder who will give you most attention, esp when you feel ignored. So you hang out with the skirt that is most subservient to you at the moment, and as soon as they give you one little bit of trouble, you dump them and hop to the next pleasing skirt. Yes you are a good person and thus you can charm your way, but it is crippling you, and them too, and it is ugly for anyone else. You are simply fake.

Finding consolation in women as if they were objects, jelousy games and hiding under skirts is ignorance and weakness and major immaturity.

You don't seem to be able to stand on your own, you need women to hold you up, and you even consciously try to pit women against each other.
Also, you are helping your flirts turn into beggar who lives off male attention instead of having the confidence to stand on her own.

Everyone likes a little attention here and there, but to depend on it as a bread and butter of living, like you and your ladies do, is an addiction.

Depending on attention from others is a major weakness, crippling any possible self growth.

Nobody can give us anything. It all comes from God.


What opposites, African party boy and a Serbian spiritual person with a guru and meditation group.

Sorry for calling you a crook. In my world, you are a crook, but that doesn't count, what counts to you is your world, where you are simply popular.

Also, Africans are not monogamous. Running around is normal to you and your culture.

I am Serbian and very monogamous. What is normal to me is spending lifetime with one person and never even looking around. I have never seen my father flirt with anyone, he always gave all attention to my mother and still does, and I wish for me a man like that. My mother treats my father in kind. My parents are like One. My brother and his wife too. My other brother and his wife as well. I wish the same for my marriage too.

There are some nice aspects of African that I embrace, like community, and there are some ugly aspects of Serbian that I am Working to overcome.
It really is about being a citizen of the World, with integrity and dignity. I happen to believe and have it confirmed by Elders that dedicated partnership, not looking into the left eye of the opposite sex, and not being tickled and fed by the attention from others is the proper way to go.

Even Africans who have "something" higher in them, like Yousuff Koumbassa, have that.